Previous chapters are on Royal Road at: Stupid Sexy Cryptids [or How I Became the Emperor of Mankind]
It started as a low rumble, like thunder rolling in from a distance. The stained glass windows rattled in their frames. Then the pines outside began to sway in unison, bending sideways like they were bowing to some terrible god.
The house groaned...
2025-08-18 02:20:23 +0000 UTC View PostNessy bounced back to the booth, panting and merry from the appreciation, black and white tail wagging like a hurricane. "Thank you, thank you! I'll be here all temporal paradox!" She slid back into her seat, once again sandwiching me between herself and the semi-stunned raptor.
"That was… Ummm," Kristi began, then stopped.
"Magnificent? Show-stopping? Worthy of seventy two Grammys?" Nessy suggested with a cheeky grin.
"I was going to say unexpectedly good, but sure, those too."
Nes...
2025-08-17 20:19:33 +0000 UTC View Post
Enjoy first 9 chappa on Royal Road: https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/129134/stupid-sexy-cryptids-or-how-i-became-the-emperor
Is connected to Bloom and Somebody Stop Him, digging more into the behavior of the Fr...
2025-08-17 15:06:42 +0000 UTC View PostKristi flexed her claws experimentally, nervously staring at them like they might betray her again.
"Never. Do. That. Again," she hissed at me.
"No promises," I said. "You ready to help us save the world?"
“No world,” Nessy commented. “Just ourselves. Maybe some dragons too. And our magic RV. Then Ferguson… I think.”
“You think? Magic RV?!” Kristi's eye twitched. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but... fine. What else do we need for this insane shopping list?"
Twenty m...
2025-08-11 00:00:27 +0000 UTC View Post“What
2025-08-10 00:29:53 +0000 UTC View PostThe first fat raindrops splattered against the trail, and within seconds a diresome wall of clouds reached us. The sky unleashed a torrential downpour and by the time I pulled out the ponchos, we were both soaked to the bone.
"THIS IS WORSE THAN THE SPIDERWEBS!" Nessy yelled over the roar of rain. "AT LEAST SPIDERS ARE DRY!"
"The cabins—" I shouted, pointing at the trail.
"Too far! The path ahead is getting flooded! Look!"
I looked. “Didn’t we take the blue trail?!...
2025-08-08 18:17:10 +0000 UTC View Post"I'm dying," Nessy announced for the seventh time in twenty minutes. "Actually dying. This is it. Remember me fondly."
"You're not dying," I said. "You're hiking."
"Same thing! My paws hurt! My tail hurts! Parts of me I didn't know existed hurt!" She dramatically flopped against a tree. "Why did we get off at Cascade? Why didn't we just take the bus all the way to the trailhead like normal people?"
"You said, and I quote, 'Buses are for quitters, we're gonna hike the WHOLE THING lik...
2025-08-07 16:42:20 +0000 UTC View Post“COMING ATTRACTIONS!” An unnervingly deep voice suddenly boomed in my ears.
"What the fuck?" I jumped.
"Think a paperclip maximizer is bad? THIS SUMMER... One man... One AI-powered toaster... INFINITE BREAD! Coming soon: 'TOAST APOCALYPSE 7: THE BUTTERING.' Rated R for excessive jam violence."
I spun left and right, trying to figure out where the voice was coming from. An image of Nessy in a housewife apron holding a toaster ejecting bread endlessly manifested in the air like a mirag...
2025-08-07 12:08:50 +0000 UTC View PostI glanced at my packmates as we walked to our next destination. Kristi and Adelle looked extra bothered and twitchy. The raptor's feathers kept fluffing and settling in waves, while the cheetah kept flexing her claws and shifting her weight. Nessy looked only somewhat concerned, holding tightly on to my hand and sniffing the air. Candace marched ahead with a smile, tail swishing.
"Ads? Kris? You two alright?" I asked.
"No," Adelle snapped back, round ears tilted back.
"Feels like my insides are trying to escape to my outsid...
2025-08-06 16:54:36 +0000 UTC View Post“First stop and the nearest destination. The optometrist on the second floor. We’ll grab the Crossview Spectacles, then move on to the theater for dimensionally-sheared tickets,” Candace outlined. "I’ll switch us to second person if we encounter any FPHses.”
“You can manage the second-person switch, right?” Kristi eyed me.
“I can manage it,” I said. “Only one note on me, not an entire garden.”
The raptor let out a worried exhale as Candace quickly went over the mall-diving prep. 2025-08-04 01:30:34 +0000 UTC View Post
I opened and closed my hands, staring at my fingers suspiciously, half-expecting to see fleshy flower eyes once again blossoming across my skin. My nerves tingled with the phantom sensation of endlessly expanding branches and roots, the echo of my desire to spread, bloom and multiply suppressed but still there, bubbling beneath the surface.
I looked at Candace, pushing down my body’s inexplicable desire to propagate.
“Sup?” She asked.
“You fused to get me back?” I asked, alre...
2025-07-28 22:54:59 +0000 UTC View PostNessy trying on outfits at Dragon Alley finished art:
Alec & Kristi at Cascade, view of the ruins of Denver finished art:
Candace wearing Kristi's hoodie finished art:
Smol dragon at Cascade:
2025-07-28 15:14:22 +0000 UTC
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“You know what?” Candace huffed. “No. I’m not gonna bow to the damned Omnids nor bind myself to their fat ass floating Justice construct.”
“So then…” Manny began.
“Unbind Candace, bind Loops,” Candace grabbed her temples, silver fractals flaring from her paws. “Aight, scan me now babes.”
Manny tapped Candace’s wrist with her plastic fingers. “Huh.”
A confused emoji appeared on her monitor:
(☉_ ☉)
“How?” Manny tapped Canda...
2025-07-25 02:44:55 +0000 UTC View Post“You FUCKING WHAT?!" Kristi snarled, rounding on Candace. "I fucking knew something like this would happen because you can't keep your Binder paws to yourself!"
Candace's ears flicked back. "I got the sword's location out of her, so there's that. Our Slayer needs his sword!"
The building shook again, more violently this time. A metallic shriek pierced our ears as steel shutters rolled down from above, sealing off the broken windows.
Dragons fluttered around in panic, screeching and breathing fire ...
2025-07-20 23:35:17 +0000 UTC View PostNessy’s body twitched in Adelle’s arm and then Candace shuddered, one eye losing its tint as the husky’s own sky-blues snapped open.
“That was fun!” Nessy licked Adelle and then slid out of the cheetah’s arms.
Candace murmured something and leapt over the railing, somehow slowly gliding through the air until she landed on my shoulders.
“Aleeeeec, carry me,” she ordered, sitting down.
“Um, okay,” I said as she wrapped her legs around my neck. She seemed practi...
2025-07-20 13:50:40 +0000 UTC View PostAdelle’s eyes moved up and down my body, as if she was undressing me with her gaze.
“You wan’ me to get you a new bike while we here, Ads? Or are you planning to transmogrify Alec into a bike so that you can ride him all night lo…”
A violet raptor hand swatted Candace in the head, interrupting her provocative monologue.
"Nah. I’d rather fix my baby,” Adelle said with a chortle in the fox’s direction. “Fiddling with a new build is an effort.”
“Aight, I’ll text Goobs...
I slouched into a plush chair in the boutique's "boyfriend waiting area" tagged as such by the sales girl’s comment, while my pack disappeared into the fitting rooms. The waiting chair was designed for pradavarian proportions, leaving my feet dangling several inches above the floor.
This particular boutique catered to high level elite or wealthy female delvers. It practically shouted such from the displays of hexmesh-reinforced clothing to armor-compatible accessories on crystalline, slowly moving, rune-enc...
2025-07-15 11:32:32 +0000 UTC View PostWe slipped out of the Atomic Cafe without any more parental disasters, which felt like a minor miracle after the dual family ambush.
After extracting the sleek black glider, Nessy, Candace, and Adelle climbed into the bag. Kristi slung it over her shoulder, and I took my seat in front of her on the Nemesis.
The glider lifted into the air, the city spreading out beneath us. Candace stuck her head out of the bag, her silver hair whipping in the wind.
"Left at the next intersection," ...
2025-07-11 22:28:42 +0000 UTC View PostKristi & Alec:
A sad Terry [TurbloFluff]:
Candace in Kristi's hoodie:
Nessy being a cute:
Kristi slams Alec down after the chase in the school ...
2025-07-10 02:25:43 +0000 UTC View Post"Candace," Goebel offered, "perhaps you should speak to your mother."
Candace crossed her arms. "Why? So she can tell me how disappointed she is? How I've ruined the Rhinehart name? How much prestige I cost her by running away this summer?"
"She's scared for you," Goebel replied. "The Magnetic Lynx isn't just another dungeon monster. She's... an infamous, unstoppable monster."
"Yeah, no shit," Candace snapped, but her tail had stopped its defiant swishing. “She scared she gonna lose her biggest investment, is what!”
... 2025-07-06 17:43:45 +0000 UTC View PostThe waitress finally arrived with our food. Her eyes darted between us and the agitated-looking Whitepaw parents as she set the plates onto our table.
"Perhaps," Kristi suggested diplomatically, "we could all sit down and enjoy breakfast while we discuss this calmly? Mr. and Mrs. Whitepaw, would you and your children care to join us?”
"We are not sitting down to have breakfast with the people who have corrupted our daughter!" Rex growled.
"Sir, we didn't force Nessy into anything. She chose to...
2025-07-02 19:17:28 +0000 UTC View PostAlec & Adelle:
Kristi morning stretch workout:
Alec & Adelle:
Candace's imagination, aka Alec delivers her a package.
"Nessy Rex Whitepaw!" The elegantly dressed husky woman marched toward our table, her voice carrying that special maternal frequency designed to pierce teenage defenses. "Where have you been? We've been calling you for two days! You were supposed to come home for dinner after your book sale!"
Nessy seemed to shrink beside me, her ears flattening against her head.
"H-hi Mom," she managed, her tail tucked firmly between her legs. "Hi Dad."
The tall male husky adjusted his glasses, his stern expression softening slightly...
I fell through a myriad of dreams etched across the infinite abyss.
They weren’t a single story, but a river of lives fluctuating and intertwining, interconnecting with each other like an endlessly vast delta. I felt like a cartographer of my own forgotten lives, each one a universe unto itself, igniting, flickering and dying on the edge of my awareness.
Each was more alien, more bewildering than the last. Each left me with an unnerving, profound sense of love, sorrow, passion and loss.
S...
2025-06-28 02:19:45 +0000 UTC View PostTurboFluff final art, now with background:
Alec & Kristi first meeting at the shop, now with moar details:
How to train your human. Now with shading and more detail:
Nessy discovers Kristi's private account Pradstagram pecs:
2025-06-27 23:16:46 +0000 UTC
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Nessy pushed me onto the bed, her hands firm on my shoulders. The world tilted, the decorative tile Depictomancy-animated ceiling of the Moonshard Inn featuring the night sky and the shattered moon entering my view as I fell back against the plush comforter.
This wasn't a submission; it was a homecoming. This was the culmination of every fragmented dream, every echo of a past life, every lonely night spent wondering if I'd ever truly belong anywhere, if I’d ever find anyone to trust.
The answer was here, in...
2025-06-25 03:16:15 +0000 UTC View PostChapter 1 Adelle:
Drawing animation:
Turbofluff:
Adelle, Alec & Nessy:
Couch pets:
2025-06-21 00:57:45 +0000 UTC
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"What do you see?" I asked, kneeling beside Nessy.
"It's a multi-layered ward," the husky girl murmured, her voice distant. "Reinforced with… belief. Sacrifice. Every memory, every emotion fed to the Well strengthens this thing. It's not just a magical construct; it's a psychic fortress… containing something. Possibly a dungeon core." Her eyes snapped open. "Clever. Sadly, I can't unbind it from here. The power source of the outer shield layers isn't local."
"So, where is it and can we punch it?"...
2025-06-20 22:33:55 +0000 UTC View PostThe arrival of our takeout feast was a welcome, greasy punctuation mark in a day of high-stakes drama. Or perhaps just a comma, since we still had a quest to do tonight.
We descended on the food like a pack of starving… prads and one human, the earlier tension dissolving into the simple, satisfying act of enjoying noms.
"I could get used to this," Adelle mumbled around a mouthful of deluxe pizza. "Good food, good fights, good naps. Good Alphage!" She reached out and mussed up my hair.
“Don’t...
2025-06-16 02:06:56 +0000 UTC View PostCandace scrambled to her feet, her hotel robe falling open as she snatched her silver dress from a chair and wriggled into it with frantic speed. The laid-back atmosphere had evaporated, leaving behind the sharp, cold reality of a crisis.
My own mind was a maelstrom. Losing Nessy again. The thought wasn't rational; it was a primal, instinctual certainty that clawed at me from that deep, tree-like part of my soul. It was the same hollow ache I’d felt in those fragmented dreams, the echo of a lo...
2025-06-12 19:38:24 +0000 UTC View Post
