Achewood

"I Had a Nightmare!" — Ray Smuckles

In this heavily-updated and now-illustrated piece from 2009, Ray Smuckles' subconscious does him a heavy number after a particularly debauched evening with Téodor. 

Serializer Archive: "How I Made It In Webcomics"

This is a reprint of a 2003 commissioned strip which ran in the now-defunct Flak Magazine (flakmag.com), which I reprinted on the now-defunct Serializer (serializer.net). Please enjoy this, its "third debut." 

Please also note that the sentiments expressed in this piece were exaggerated in order to caricature the condition of the artist by focus...

Scratchboard: August 8, 2008 - Crosswalk Karma.

While gathering artwork for a comic strip this evening* I came across a fairly nostalgic scratchboard to the left of the 8/8/2008 comic, in which Ray almost runs over an old lady in a crosswalk and ends up...wait for it...giving her money. 

As I put new strips together, the area to the left of the artboard becomes its own little Byzantium; successive generations of debris gather until I wipe the area clean and begin anew.  See if you can pick out which strips contributed parts to this fun little collage. 

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My Marriage Proposal; Learning the Jeweler's Craft

Lauren and I are, with the significant aid of an ascendant and brilliantly-mentored local jeweler named Elise, designing her wedding ring. On Friday, our day off, we traveled across the river to downtown Portland to visit the deeply bohemian shared studio space where she melts and chisels and buffs.  

Like all anxious bachelors—our hair slicked wet and parted down the middle—I had fretted on how to choose this momentous ring that Lauren would be tasked with wearing for the rest of our mortal rise and fall. The traditional unde...

Serializer Archive: New Years Resolutions 2003

I apologize for failing to send out a few more of these ancient Serializer pieces since the first; there are maybe fifty of these old bugs, at most, worth sharing, so I have to mete them out gradually…but not that gradually.

Please read the first post in this collection/tag (the color “Thanksgiving” comic) for a more detailed explanation of what Serializer was.

This particular unit of laffs dates to December 2002. If you read this when it first ran, please say hello in the comments and tell us what life was like ...

0048 - The Account, Pt. 7, penultimate

If anyone would like to move to Portland, I am selling my house pretty soon. I know this is a long shot, as the rest of the nation seems to see Portland as the place where the four horsemen curry and ginger their mounts for the long slog east and downward, but what do I know. 

This brings us to this week's Reader Question! What is your impression of Portland, Oregon? Living in Portland does not excuse you from answering. Sound off below! 

(I am not moving out of Portland. In fact, I am only moving a few...

The Portland Soda Works Story, Part 2

In which more players come into the picture, and the mission gains clarity. 

This Sunday in The Studio

I was supposed to degloss and primer the “new” cabinets for the kitchen, so sweet mistress avoidance led me down the basement staircase instead. I think that was three hours ago. Now it’s time to go fry the McChicken patty emulation I’m working on.

Photos I Took Which Are Kind Of Good

From time to time, given the omnipresence of loosely-holstered smartphones, we manage to squeeze off a photograph whose subject, composition, and tone are good enough to merit placement on a piece of stationery that is for sale in a boutique that will remain in business for 1-3 years. 

These are mine. 

Actually, the first one is the only one with those qualifications. The rest were just included to hastily pad out a weakly-supported concept. 

Thank you.

EXTREME WARNING, WILL BORE YOU: MY TEA ROUTINE.

What could be cosier than spelling it with an "s"? Why, typing away about my deeply idiosyncratic tea routine on a chilly winter's day, of course, as the ice-slicked sidewalk glowers gray and menacing out the window, and the jaw-droppingly expensive new heat pump at the Fixer-Upper noisily shoots somewhat-warm air out of the living room floor grate.*

As I have written under separate cover, I once started an all-natural soda company. Sodas start life as teas, and these teas get their flavor from herbs and spices. (Most flavor comes from...

Art Archives - Cornelius

You've probably read this before, but I had to teach myself how to draw the characters by hand in about 2008 (the strip launched in 2001), so I could sign books for the Great Outdoor Fight release tour. Drawing by hand has never been a forte, and is an anxious, mentally grueling activity for me—despite my awareness of erasers and other pieces of paper. This is why the canvases I actually produce to relax tend to just be, "crazy shit."

Enjoy these early studies of Cornelius Bear. I think all four are now owned by various readers. ...

0047 - The Account, Pt. 6

I am in the post-norovirus (Wikipedia: “Winter Vomiting Disease”) stage wherein gratitude and joy at the opportunity to once again simply walk the earth course abundantly through me. Breakfast shall be 3-5 almonds, the aroma off a piece of toast, and a cautious gulp of matcha. Then we’ll see how arm day at the gym goes. Hopefully I can at least get to the front desk check-in then back to the car.

Nice Pete's "Steak and Potato Special"

This illustrated story, told by Nice Pete, is about the time he rode a bicycle to a nearby town and treated himself to a nice meal. However, it was uncomfortable for some.

A first draft of this piece originally appeared in the Assetbar Fanflow in 2009 (hence the appearance of Rod Huggins as Pat's boyfriend); I recently created drawings for it and significantly rewrote it.

This Week in the Author's Tier

Good week to you, Chochachos! We've had our once-in-a-decade cold snap here in Portland, with a low so low it froze my favorite pipe to the kitchen, and also prevented me from attending a deeply-attractive pig roast. Sure, 16 degrees Fahrenheit won't impress about 2/3 of the country, but that just ain't something we do here. We stay home, terrified of how bad the other drivers will be. (At the best of times, our fellow drivers are peaking on a 100-milligram edible called Danny I'm The Enemy while watching Mr. Beast give away...

0046 - The Account, Pt. 5

Welcome to a strip written entirely from under a quilt. It is going to be seventeen degrees Fahrenheit in Portland this weekend, and that is not something we do well here. (Add it to the list.) But I don't want to be some big font of grotty negativity. You know what Portland does really well? Drunk old barbers who want to talk about Viktor Frankl and also have an OnlyFans performer account. What's up, Mack, you make my terrible hair so good, how do you do it time after time, bud. 

Going After My Nobel Prize - The Portland Soda Works Story

I'll post the four parts of this personal history over the next two weeks. It's the story of one of the larger journeys I took during my big hiatus, which began in 2011: founding an all-natural soda company in the wake of a divorce and fundamental personal reset.

50% off ALL digital books, cookbooks, zines - in the Patreon Achewood Shop!

Click, tap, or astral project your way to the Achewood Patreon Digital Bookshop - whether or not you're a subscriber, you can access this link!

Am I becoming "cyber"? Does a robotic bookshop make an author part cyborg? Ask yourself these and many more idea-questions (philosophy) as you settle into several days' worth of pure, cozy Achewood Universe goodness — all at the lowest prices ever.

The cookbooks are equal parts canon entertainment and usa...

0045 - The Account, Pt. 4

Welcome back! That run of twelve old-style three-panel strips was fun to make, but what did you think? Might be interesting for some weeks to be a couple of those, spaced out, instead of the one bigger Friday strip. Thoughts? Talk to this man in the comments.

(Also, did you see the big color story that posted at 5am on New Years' Day? My guess is that many deleted that update before their eyes had fully resumed sensing light/moisture.)

A Private Look Inside The New Studio

Author's Tier! Here's a private look into a space I wasn't sure I wanted to share yet — my new art studio, and the unfinished pieces within. Typically I only like to show work that's completed, but I'm trying to be a little more open this year, since I think it will interest people to see in what utterly unprofessional conditions I choose to work. (The vibe I am going for here is, "Baseball games wafting quietly from the AM radio in grandpa's carport. Jar of mismatched screws represents my hella crazy thoughts." ) 

I'm ...

Happy New Year! 8-page Color Comic #2: The Garage Sale

Happy New Year! This is the second of two eight-page color stories I did for MySpace Dark Horse Presents way back in...the files say January 2009. Fourteen years ago. I wanted to put something juicy and colorful in your inbox to hopefully brighten the first day of this gift, this next year on this marvelous and enigmatic orb.

I recently heard astronaut Jim Lovell quoted as saying, "We don't go to heaven when we die; we go to heaven when we're born." It's the most beautiful thing I've heard in a while, a concise summati...

Christmas Photos 2023

Author's Tier! Please enjoy these glimpses inside the holiday week I just spent down in California with the folks. Highlights included a great plate of black bean chow fun, and a MANSION.  

I am almost never at a mansion so that was pretty neat. Who even has a mansion any more?! Anyhow, it was a pretty good mansion, with lots of appetizers. 

0044 - Year In Review (December) - 12 consecutive days of strips!

Day 12/12. That's it, folks! The weekly comic returns January 5, 2024. Thank you for making it possible to bring Achewood back to life — it never would have happened without your support here on Patreon. Much love and HUUUGS! 

C

0043 - Year In Review (November) - 12 consecutive days of strips!

Day 11/12. 

0042 - Year In Review (October) - 12 consecutive days of strips!

Day 10/12. 

0041 - Year In Review (September) - 12 consecutive days of strips!

Day 9/12. 

0040 - Year In Review (August) - 12 consecutive days of strips!

Day 8/12. 

Today in In-Universe Extras: Decoding Ramses, A Glossary

Ramses Smuckles, while typically a high-minded and clean-living man himself, must occupationally rub shoulders with common figures whose ways welcome physical filth. As such, we present the first installment of a personally-derived glossary which has helped him deal with such characters while also avoiding the invocation of their crass and demeaning vocabulary.

0039 - Year In Review (July) - 12 consecutive days of strips!

Day 7/12. 

0038 - Year In Review (June) - 12 consecutive days of strips!

Day 6/12. 

Return to the Burners; Croatian Burek Party

If you were wondering why there has been scant-to-nil cooking content here so far, it's because until very recently, the kitchen in Maison Extreme Fixer-Upper looked like photo number two. It still looks exactly like photo number one, but at least it's now usable. (And check out that ten thousand pound Viking range, which was the one cool thing to remain from the last owners — no doubt because it cannot be moved.) If you are into kitchen remodel chatter, sound off, and you shall receive an earful. And look forward to more cooking stuff, be...